Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
