shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
