i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
