Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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