I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You smell like stripper and shame
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
false alarm, still single
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
