go do what you do best...puke behind churches
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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