I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
