sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He is an equal opportunity slut.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
