is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
