i think i scared a bird with my dick
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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