A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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