I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
