pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
