You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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