nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
