S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
