I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
