tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
