I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
