why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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