that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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