census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
