hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
