I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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