I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
