We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
