I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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