I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
