My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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