hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
