someone threw a dead crab at me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
