it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
