somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He felt like a one man threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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