Buhtt sex?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
