I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
