No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
