That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
