I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
