I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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