I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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