Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
