Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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