i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
