just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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