Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got inside last night via doggy door
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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