Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
my liver is dry heaving
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
