I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
