just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
