Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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