Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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