loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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