I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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