The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
