someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
