last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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