I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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