i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
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But break dance skills will only take you so far
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
that may or may not have been my penis.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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