we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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