brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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