yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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