Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
