Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
