As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
