Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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