Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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