They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
