Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
