Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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