Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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