mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
