What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My life is pants optional.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize