And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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