Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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