I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need to calm my uterus...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
