The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
