hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
