You're so nebulous sometimes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
