I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
