I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How external is "for external use only"?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
