in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
