ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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